Kelly Rigg (00:02.893)
Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of the Big Home Ed Conversations. My name's Kelly and I'm joined by Ashley, as always, my lovely co-host. And we are basically talking to you guys this week about, well, we thought we'd do a little bit of a highlight reel really. So we thought the last couple of episodes of the year, maybe what we should be doing is not recapping exactly, but talking about how we have
really found ourselves evolving and finding ourselves the things that we've seen our kids overcome. Some of the stuff that actually us as families and individuals as well, like we've maybe recognized about ourselves, things we've been able to kind of grow through and change and maybe start introducing for ourselves and maybe some of the intentions that we feel like we're setting mentally coming into another year, kind of writing off some of the tricky bits and focusing on all of the amazing stuff to come.
And I think it's really, really easy to get so lost in the bad, the tricky, the hard. And actually I think that it'd just be really nice. We've both been chatting for a while before we started recording about some of the things that we just really feel like we've made a difference with this year, some of the growth that we've seen. And we thought that'd be a really nice positive way to end this year is to kind of really talk about that. And then next week we're going to talk about all of the stuff that's really inspired us.
The days out we've had, the books we've read, just the incredible projects we've done with our kids, stuff that's inspired all of us and made us all feel really uplifted. we're going to spend the next couple of days having a good sift back through our photos and try and remember all of the great stuff. So we've got some really cool stuff to share with you that the things that we really enjoyed doing, stuff that's really made a difference. So that's going be really awesome. So sit tight and enjoy.
Ashley Vanerio (01:44.908)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (01:56.579)
So we're going to crack on with today's episode, but I do actually have a funny story for you this time, guys. So just a little bit of a, goodie, the home ed is actually working kind of moment. So my kids, we started letting them go to our little corner shop. That's literally just like, it's just around the corner. I don't know, sometime this year we started letting them have a little bit of independence. So we give them some cash and we give them their shopping list and off they'd go.
Ashley Vanerio (02:08.738)
Mm hmm.
Kelly Rigg (02:25.379)
and they go and collect a couple of things and come back. And the first time they did it, they were terrified. They were just like, what? You're expecting us to go out by ourselves and talk to strangers? Like, what are you thinking? And actually they did a great job. And essentially they woke up this morning and I really wanted some eggs for breakfast and we didn't have any left. And so was like, okay, I'll send the kids to the shop. Like I was going to go myself. I was like, no, it's fine. I'll let them go. They can go and have another little go at doing it.
I gave them the list and I gave them the 10-pound note and I asked my son to get me 12 eggs, a loaf of bread and some sausages. And then whatever was left after that, they could split between them and get a little sweet or something. So this was the goal. And they went off to the shop and they really love going by themselves because then they can browse. And my goodness, they spend ages looking at the magazines, looking at the toys. Like it must drive the shopkeeper crazy. But they really, really enjoy it. They do normally take a little while anyway.
But we kind of reached the 20 minutes or so mark and I was just like, okay, they've been gone a little while. I'm just gonna go just check up on them and make sure they're all right. And as I kind of started to walk around there, I spied them running off to go and see the plant pot cat. So just around the corner from us. And they were just going and having a little cuddle with this cat. It's very cute. So I tried to sneak back without them spotting me, but they noticed me. So fair enough. I was trying to give them some more independence. It's so good for them. But essentially,
Ashley Vanerio (03:46.381)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (03:52.611)
My son was like, I could only get 6x and I was like, okay was there not enough money? He's obviously well, I think it's ridiculously expensive these days so fair enough and he's like, well, no, they only had boxes of 6x and I was like Okay I was like, no, and I was like, I asked you to get 12 though, right? And he was like, yeah, but they only had boxes of six. I'm just like Okay
And I was like, waiting for like any kind of penny to drop. And he was just like, what if they just asked six? I was like, boy. I was like, so how many times does six go into 12? And he was like, twice. And I was like, so. And he was just like, what? I was like, nevermind. I was like, we should have bought two boxes of eggs, yeah? And he's like.
Ashley Vanerio (04:31.371)
I love cats.
Ashley Vanerio (04:43.371)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (04:49.379)
Well yeah, but then I wouldn't have had enough money to buy any sweets. I was just like, I'll always use it, that's what we're getting at. Great. So anyways, so I was like, well, this is fantastic. So hopefully this will be a little lesson for him in the future, let's you think about the fact that actually all you had to do is buy two boxes of eggs. So there you go guys, you can enjoy the fact that my son this week was just brain just was refusing to do some basic maths when he was in a situation like that. It so funny.
Ashley Vanerio (04:52.726)
A little bit of genius in there.
Ashley Vanerio (05:08.686)
you
Kelly Rigg (05:17.187)
He knew exactly how much change he had though, so yay for that. Good for him. my goodness. They're so funny. They're so sweet. As I say, they love chatting to the shopkeeper in there. She's a lovely lady. I've spoken to her so many times. Always end up having a bit of an atta. And she was helping them find everything in the shop. It's so sweet. But anyway. So that's my funny story of the week. So that really tickled me this morning. That was a proper like face plant moment, never mind.
Ashley Vanerio (05:17.632)
Awesome. Yeah. Good independence. Good practice. Yeah. All good things. It's okay.
Ashley Vanerio (05:38.582)
Kelly Rigg (05:46.923)
We'll work on that. Never mind. So anyways, so getting on topic then. So I think what's really interesting about this one is for me anyway, I have seen an awful lot of growth, but it has been such a tough year that actually I do keep finding myself thinking that actually I haven't made much progress, but it's in these moments of reflection that actually I can see that I have made some significant changes.
in the way I operate, the way that, the way I organize our life now, like I've got a system now that I actually do have a bit of a system with how we choose topics and how we kind of just keep track of basic learning so that my brain doesn't constantly shout at me about not being good enough. Like, there is definitely some shifts and changes that have gone on in terms of my home-editing ability, but also as an individual in terms of carving out time for myself, setting better boundaries, understanding.
Ashley Vanerio (06:16.376)
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Rigg (06:44.119)
my capacity, my sensory limitations, like all kinds of different things that actually I have made huge progress on this year. I'm feeling much closer in my friendships. Like I won't kind of skim over too many of things because obviously I want to get into these in a bit more depth, but like there is definitely some shift there. mean, how about you, Ashley? How are you feeling about your year? Are you feeling like stuff's changed?
Ashley Vanerio (06:49.218)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (06:58.893)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (07:06.22)
Yeah, I think, you know, on a kind of a very like specific area, I now have two girls that are, you know, into like a more, I don't want to say serious, but the schoolwork is there. And my youngest is also now, you know, really starting to do the basics around beginning to read and write and
do a little bit of math and all of that. And so she's much more involved in our school day than she was before, or I would say at the start of the year. And so I think that there's just been a lot of change this year because just when you figure it out, something shifts, They're always growing, they're always changing. And so, yeah, so we've had to kind of re-jiggle our days a little bit and...
Kelly Rigg (07:55.861)
Mm, always, yep.
Ashley Vanerio (08:05.422)
find ways to make it work with three instead of two when we are doing some schoolwork. And I think that my like patience has really been tried, but in a way that I feel really good about where it's at. it's not, I'm just kind of like proud of where we are at this point and at my ability to
really come into things understanding how it's going to actually go. guess like lowering my expectations or having my expectations be in line with reality. That's probably a good way to say it. I still do have kind of some high expectations, but I'm more realistic about how we approach it. So I think that, you know, that we've had a really solid year of growth just on that. And like my personal sort of like teacher growth as well.
Kelly Rigg (08:44.493)
Yes.
Kelly Rigg (09:03.811)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Vanerio (09:05.046)
And then just some areas where we've been really successful in getting outside more and doing a lot more like you were saying, you know, with friends, both mine and the kids and kind of growing in that area and spending some time together and doing more things together. But then the flip side to that is I would say areas where I may be not as successful.
Kelly Rigg (09:24.215)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (09:31.326)
is we have a lot going on. And one of the things, and maybe this isn't the right time to get into it, but I will just say quickly that one of the things that I'm really thinking about as we go into 2025 is, do we need to peel back in some areas? Are we doing too much outside of the house in a structured way? know, meaning like the art, the swimming, the French, and so on and so on. Do we?
Kelly Rigg (09:50.669)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (09:58.72)
do we need to relook at that as we are kind of getting a bit more scholastic in our days? So we'll see. But yeah, I mean, there's a lot to consider, but overall I'm feeling pretty good.
Kelly Rigg (10:11.095)
Yeah, I think it's interesting, isn't it? Because as they get older, we do find ourselves thinking that they need, we all need a bit more time to be kind of covering like the topics that we're covering and we're trying to go into bit more depth. We're trying to do some more things with them. And so you do tend to find yourself thinking that you need a bit more home time. But also I think from a mental health perspective, I've been talking about this a little bit the past few weeks, but trying to actually establish a routine that allows you to feel like you actually
Ashley Vanerio (10:27.585)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (10:40.631)
have your feet underneath you. And you can actually get the things done that need to get done and that you don't constantly feel like you're catching up and stressed because you're rushing and rushing them and trying to squeeze things in in moments when actually maybe it isn't optimal and they're not going to learn that great at that point because they're tired or busy or they want to be outside or whatever. Because you're obviously trying to juggle a bunch of other things and trying to squeeze it in and around clubs and groups that you've already committed to and...
Ashley Vanerio (10:42.818)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (11:10.435)
I think like every group that we go to, like as great as they are, you've got the commuting time to it. You've got the getting packed lunches ready and getting organized to go time for it. Like it does suck time out of your day. Obviously if it's wonderful and it gives you great, great things and you really love doing it and you don't want to lose it, then fine. But ultimately, if you find yourself literally just like constantly back to back here, there and everywhere, then actually it doesn't leave an awful lot of time to be trying to fit in all of these like important.
Ashley Vanerio (11:10.712)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (11:23.416)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (11:41.217)
well, depending on like your child obviously, like what their specific needs or whatever are, that some things are going to feel really important to you. And actually you might be constantly stressed that you're not getting enough time to do them. But yeah, I definitely have felt like this year I have worked really hard to protect the boundaries of my calendar. And we do let it get ahead of us sometimes, like it does get out of whack and we do end up having a bit too much going on. But I have worked really, really hard to be as mindful of that as possible.
I get blinkers on, like people be posting amazing kind of like free day here, free day there every five minutes and I literally just put blinkers on, I just don't look at it because sometimes I just don't have the capacity for any more and I need to make sure I don't add anything else into my calendar. And I think part of this is definitely, I this year has been my first full year having an understanding of myself as ADHD.
Ashley Vanerio (12:17.835)
Exactly.
Kelly Rigg (12:38.881)
and obviously my children having their various neurodivergences as well. So that is very important to me that actually I recognise my capacity as someone who is ADHD and possibly autistic as well. My sensory needs, my ability to cope with certain social situations, whether I actually enjoy certain things or not. Like I've actually been a lot more conscious of that. And the same for my kids, like recognising that actually some things they just really don't enjoy and I'm just...
forcing it every week thinking, well, you've just got to get good at it. Like you've just got to get over it. You're just going to try and get with the program. Like this is what socializing looks like or whatever. And obviously looking through it from the lens of neurodivergence and starting to recognize their capacity, it has really helped me to start to recognize that actually, well, every child deserves this anyway. Every human deserves to be able to be themselves and to set their boundaries and to have their capacities and to do things how they want to do them. It's got nothing to do with neurodivergence really.
Ashley Vanerio (13:13.506)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Vanerio (13:29.538)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (13:36.173)
But when a child has got a disability or something that actually means certain things actually physically painful for them or really very stressful or cause them to feel really uncomfortable in their own self, that actually I have now got such a much better understanding of what they're feeling, like what they must be feeling in those situations because I'm noticing it in myself and actually honoring it that I'm able to actually say, okay, all right, this isn't gonna work.
or just actually just not go in the first place, actually understand that that's not gonna work for us or just not sign up to that club because we go to a trial and it doesn't work. Like I can sense that it's gonna be too loud and they're never gonna enjoy it. Like it's gonna be far too loud every single week and they're just not gonna be able to cope with that. And not in a like a, I'm never gonna push them kind of way to try things, but like we tried it, it didn't work out, whatever, but like actually just respecting.
Ashley Vanerio (14:29.518)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (14:33.667)
them saying, no, that's not for me, I'm not gonna enjoy that. And actually having that much more respect for that and understanding that that might change in time. And we'll certainly try things again and again and again over time and see if things change. But if this isn't for right now, then okay, I don't need to force it. And so when you honor that for yourself and for them, you actually, I mean, it's basically authenticity, isn't it? It's just trying to get into a lifestyle.
that suits us as a family. Like what does that actually look like? What kinds of things do we actually want to be doing? Like that's okay. We're allowed to be individuals. And actually one of the most amazing things about home education and really why I coach people in this and want to help people who are transitioning into it so much is because so often we come into home education operating from a place of fear and stress and worry and like...
Ashley Vanerio (15:10.221)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (15:28.343)
wanting to do all the things and feeling like you've got to make sure you're doing all the things. And actually, so much of the beauty of home ed lies in the authenticity. It's that opportunity to reclaim your life. And that's for you too, not just your kids, but to recognise that there are other ways to make money. is other schedules you can keep. You don't have to have somebody dictating it to you and your kids all the time. You can actually make your own life. And actually that in itself can feel really scary.
Ashley Vanerio (15:50.733)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (15:57.869)
just that concept of having to make your own schedule and organise it all yourself can feel really overwhelming like we talking about last week. So it's not necessarily easy, it's not easy, it isn't, but it's worth it in my opinion because that work makes a big difference to how you experience your days.
Ashley Vanerio (16:05.548)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (16:10.925)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (16:17.607)
Yeah. I mean, we, we have like, feel like the opposite, not really the opposite, but similar, but also, my kids love doing the sewing class and we want to be outdoors with the, like outdoor group every week. We love doing co-op. We love all these things. so I'm to the point where obviously a lot of them are
free or low costs, which is great. But there are some that aren't. so I'm like, we really have to start to consider what are the most important things. And where I find this to be difficult is if my kid is really enjoying something, I don't want to take it away, especially if there is an educational aspect to it, It's not like they're just bouncing on a trampoline for an hour or something. Not that that's bad, but my point is.
Kelly Rigg (17:05.763)
No.
Ashley Vanerio (17:15.15)
I could have them run around the backyard and accomplish the physical education, right? having them attend a sewing class and learn that like handicraft. And then they're coming back and my daughter was taking a bunch of felton, creating everyone a stuffed animal that she was sewing and stuffing from, you know, and drawing the pattern and cutting. And I mean, it was just amazing. And I love that. And she was seven when she was doing it, which is so great. And I think it's a skill that years ago, many years ago,
Kelly Rigg (17:15.619)
I'll go you media.
Kelly Rigg (17:36.067)
That's amazing.
Kelly Rigg (17:39.939)
Mm.
Ashley Vanerio (17:45.422)
you would have learned that as a child. You would have been cross stitching or sewing, mending the clothes for the family or creating your own clothes. My mom made a lot of her clothes well into her early 20s because she was just in a family with a lot of kids and not a lot of money. And that was the cheapest way to get the clothing that you wanted. So I think that it's sort of a lost art.
Kelly Rigg (17:47.971)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Vanerio (18:12.542)
for many of us. And so I love that she's doing that. But I'm like, okay, if I'm going to prioritize that, something else has to go. And so it's very hard for me to want to tell them no to something that I know is, I would, what I would say important and also valuable and they enjoy. But when they enjoy everything, at some point, we're either out of the house all day long and we're never doing certain subjects.
Kelly Rigg (18:14.561)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (18:43.898)
or I have to be the bad guy. And I feel like I'm the bad guy a lot, obviously, as any parents know, a lot. But I hate having to make those kinds of hard decisions and then do that with them. But anyway, we will have to have a conversation, I think, as this term ends and we look to next term just to see if there are areas where
Kelly Rigg (18:52.631)
Hmm.
Ashley Vanerio (19:10.164)
we can peel back a little bit or make a conscious effort to do it at home instead of doing it out. Yeah, it's.
Kelly Rigg (19:13.624)
Hmm.
Kelly Rigg (19:18.211)
I suppose also there's ways of finding ways to flex with it too, right? A bit of a tangent here, but the concept of maybe if one of them's like, actually, do know what? I'm not really bothered about sewing. I'll do it, but I don't really care. Then actually it's like, okay, well, could you two do sewing whilst this one comes and does their maths with me? And we use that time to sit and do this, this, and this. And that's their one-to-one time. maybe it's that, it's alternating who gets one-to-one time with each different club.
Ashley Vanerio (19:23.277)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (19:31.297)
Yes.
Ashley Vanerio (19:38.082)
Yes, exactly.
Kelly Rigg (19:47.587)
one of you drops this, one of you drops that, and then we still go to various different things and we can switch it back around again at some point. Like if you want to go back to doing French, you can do French. like, but maybe it's kind of having that kind of like, actually, maybe we could work on creating that one-to-one time, or maybe it's that you yourself are finding ones that are drop-offs. So that actually, I I call certain things like win-win-wins. So my kids go to a forest school on a Wednesday, and that's a drop-off. So I drop them off 9.30 till three.
Ashley Vanerio (19:48.28)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (19:55.746)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (20:08.237)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (20:15.383)
That's my work time. they're getting to go outside. They're learning bushcraft skills. They're learning, but they're obviously socializing, making friends, they're helping to make all kinds of things. But they will say they do science subjects as well. So they tend to look like a topic each term. So that's quite good as well. So they are getting into other topics and things and doing other kind of crafts and projects and stuff with them as well. So they're kind of, they're getting some education time. They're getting some physical education time. They're socializing. They're doing all of their usual stuff.
But I am also getting some time by myself, which is super important. And I am working. So I'm getting that work as well. So I do a bit of both. So I go for a nice walk with the dog. I have a coffee. I will do a little bit of planning. So I turn to like when my brain switches off and it's just like, I just want to go and relax and watch Netflix on my phone in my car now. I always ask you to just do half an hour of planning instead. So like just have a think about the business. So like what you want to do next and the rest of it is to do half an hour that first. And then you can go watch Netflix for an hour.
Ashley Vanerio (20:47.288)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Vanerio (21:03.327)
Thank
Exactly.
Kelly Rigg (21:12.867)
But I give myself that little bit of time to myself. I spend some time with a pooch. I have a coffee and a cafe and do some work. And so essentially it becomes a win-win-win. Well, in fact, it's a win-win-win-win because like it covers like all the bases. And so, yes, okay, we're spending the money. Yes, okay, they're out doing something for the whole day and it does take up the whole day. But actually it ends up being a really successful day because it covers so many different bases and...
Ashley Vanerio (21:26.786)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (21:41.559)
The only downside is that my youngest, has what is essentially an after-school restraint collapse situation with it a little bit because she's just so exhausted. And it wouldn't help if I picked her up at lunchtime, the same thing would happen. It's very much just being away from me, being in a different environment, lots of other social requests and expectations. And I'm not, I have really stressed to her about masking and the fact that she doesn't have to pretend.
Ashley Vanerio (21:50.06)
Yeah, of course.
Ashley Vanerio (21:59.534)
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Rigg (22:08.589)
to okay, like if she's upset, she can get a hug, like, they're really wonderful there. And they're really, really receptive to neurodivergence and are working really hard to understand her and help her to not feel like she has to like, hold it all in. She's tired, she can snooze in a hammock, like all those sorts of things. So like, they're really wonderful, but it does create a bit of a restraint collapse situation for us. So I'm kind of working on that right now. But the point anyway, is the fact that
Ashley Vanerio (22:22.381)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Rigg (22:35.605)
certain things in our week can serve multiple different purposes all at the same time. And I think that's what I'm really, that's one of my intentions for next year is to look at other ways to get that win, win, win in my week. is that getting like, some kids at the road, just like 14, 15 year old kids who are going on this massive trip next year and they're saving up money for it. So they've been asking if people want babysitting all the rest of it. And I thought, well, actually, why don't I get them to come and babysit on a Sunday morning if they're around?
Ashley Vanerio (22:50.467)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (23:04.577)
like most weeks, if they don't want to do it some weeks, then fine. But see how many weeks they can do in a month where they could come and do that and they could spend three hours with the kids. And the goal is for them to be playing board games with them, do some clever maths, do some Scrabble, like do some kind of subtle skills with them, like not shooting, of course, but just like I can give them some ideas, like I can set some stuff up for them to do with them, but just, I don't know, like do a word search with them, like.
Ashley Vanerio (23:18.638)
Great, yes.
Kelly Rigg (23:31.139)
play some board games, but just do something which is vaguely educational and fun and just let them have some fun doing something or they can make some play-doh together or do whatever. And that will ultimately mean that they're getting some of the education time that they need every week. I can go and concentrate and do my work for a couple of hours. They're also having some fun and socializing with somebody else and having to follow instruction from somebody else, which I think is really important. And again, it becomes another one of those win-win-win moments where hopefully...
Ashley Vanerio (23:35.618)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Ashley Vanerio (23:49.901)
Yes.
Kelly Rigg (24:00.663)
The cost of the babysitter situation will not overrule how much I'm managing to make by going and working for a few hours. But the point is that it will give us that, like, another breathing space in my week where actually I feel like I can actually step away from them. I'm not just, again, this is thing, we can say it like, plonking them in front of screens, like screens are not the devil. They can be really, really useful, but I do, it has a knock on effect. Like if they're sat in front of a screen for three hours whilst I'm working,
They will happily do that, but then I've got to de-transition out of my work mode, get back into parenting mode with now thoroughly overstimulated kids who are going to go absolutely nut-nuts. And I don't like that. And it's very stressful for me. Whereas if they'd spent three hours with somebody doing games and playing and doing fun crafts and junk modeling or whatever, then I know that I'm going to get back kids who are now ready to go and sit on screens for an hour whilst I have a coffee and decompress and transition out of my work mode.
Ashley Vanerio (24:34.616)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (24:50.914)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (24:58.605)
So like, it's fine and I won't feel guilty about it. And so I think it's just really looking for ways to, I guess, support our mental health, support their learning and development and like, just to find that middle ground, that like sweet spot. And I know that this is like, obviously talking from a place of privilege here and having the ability to pay for this forest school, et cetera. I know not everybody can, but even if they're micro moments, even if I'm talking literally,
Ashley Vanerio (24:59.086)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (25:20.078)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (25:24.149)
in my week, making sure that every afternoon, for example, about sort of three o'clock ish, I am ready for a cup of coffee and just an hour to switch off. Like whether that's scrolling, whether it's watching an hour of TV, whatever, I need it. And sometimes it might even be a lie down. Like I might need to go and have a quick like hours kip or something. And my kids have no, they respect it. And I think this is a thing as home and parents sometimes we get said to a lot, like, how do ever get any time to yourself?
Ashley Vanerio (25:32.822)
Yes. Yes.
Kelly Rigg (25:53.159)
and the only way I can respond to that is with boundaries. it is basically teaching them. And obviously, yes, again, again, talking from a place of privilege, my children are cognitively capable of being left alone to watch TV. They can obviously fetch themselves a snack. They won't do anything crazy. They won't like open the front door and leave the house and wander off or something. Like I understand that obviously this is not like, this is my life. I'm talking about here at end of the day, yours is going to be different, but definitely.
Ashley Vanerio (25:53.463)
Right.
Ashley Vanerio (25:58.979)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (26:15.874)
Right.
Kelly Rigg (26:22.529)
recognizing in my life my privilege is very wonderful in that my kids will now let me nap. He's taken a lot of training. A lot of training, but we have got him there. my goodness, no, it does not. like even now, like, my God, my son is another funny story for you, my son keeps suddenly popping up at seven o'clock every morning or roughly when I like literally minutes after I wake up every single day, he's just suddenly there. And I said to him like,
Ashley Vanerio (26:28.438)
Yes, you've gotten there. Yeah, it doesn't happen overnight.
Kelly Rigg (26:49.595)
God this is actually starting to freak me out. Are you like sat waiting on the stairs or something?" And he goes, sort of. This is terrible, it's so embarrassing. He's like, no, once I hear that you've stopped snoring I know that you're awake.
Ashley Vanerio (26:54.926)
There's any rustle of noise.
Ashley Vanerio (26:59.702)
Yes.
Ashley Vanerio (27:08.652)
Good, good introduction.
Kelly Rigg (27:09.135)
Great! Wonderful. dear lord. So he's literally like, he is basically like sat with the door open in his bedroom downstairs from us waiting for me to stop snoring so he can hear me loud enough from there. It's great. but was just like, I couldn't help but laugh. I was just like, okay, but just because I've stopped snoring doesn't mean that I'm not still trying to go back to sleep. So please don't just come racing back upstairs. my goodness. It's because...
Ashley Vanerio (27:17.709)
reading.
Ashley Vanerio (27:26.958)
Bye.
Ashley Vanerio (27:34.904)
Wait till I come down.
Kelly Rigg (27:36.631)
He's taking his morning responsibility of taking the dog out for a wee quick before he does it on the carpet, very seriously. anyway, kids. But yeah, so this is like, how do we carve this time for ourselves? And the way I say it honestly is boundaries. And it's hard to ask for what we need from our partners, from our friends, from our kids, from the world, from our parents, whoever it is, but we do have to ask for it. Like we do have to accept help when it is offered.
Ashley Vanerio (27:42.531)
yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (27:49.166)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (28:05.601)
we do have to ask for help. If we've got people who are offering it, say yes. Like just say yes, because chances are you desperately need it. And actually if you're not saying yes, for whatever reason, even if it's just because you know that it's possibly going to dysregulate the kids or you know that actually like it maybe hasn't got like, you know, the fallout afterwards is not necessarily going to feel very worth it, but actually we do need the minute though. Like
Ashley Vanerio (28:16.002)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (28:28.79)
Yeah, which happens sometimes,
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (28:33.505)
Sometimes the relentlessness of it just all day, every day means you never get a chance to look up. And even if you just get one afternoon every six months to look up and to actually go, okay, stop, you're not fighting the latest stressy thing. are dealing with like, you can look at the bigger picture just for a minute, just step back and look at the bigger picture. Then actually you might spot some things that you can quickly just rush around and do.
Ashley Vanerio (28:44.28)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (28:59.681)
I don't know, like taking the sandals out of the shoe cupboard because they keep wanting to put their sandals on instead of their wellies. Or like you could go do a few things which are just driving you nuts and release your brain of those irritating moments that you're dealing with every day. Like, I don't know, sort out your tuckerware cupboard or like, you know what mean? Like we're just saying like whatever it is that is just day to day driving you mental, go and have a look at the little tiny things that you can fix those problems.
Ashley Vanerio (29:06.117)
This is the best.
Ashley Vanerio (29:18.914)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (29:27.361)
and actually watch your life transform around you. Like honestly, it can make such a difference when you're not constantly facing the same little battles because you've actually had a chance to look up. And I think that this is what I've really realized the past few weeks where I have consciously made a real effort to stop and look up is I have seen all these little things which I've just been like head down, ignore, keep on fighting past. And this whole year definitely has been a lot, but it's...
recognizing these moments that she got goodness me I'm literally fighting this battle every day and all I had to do is put the sandals away like they just had to not be available as a choice like what is going on with my brain like why did I not realize that I could have just taken them out the cupboard and put them out of sight
Ashley Vanerio (30:04.139)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (30:11.822)
Well, and it's so funny, right? Because there are so many occasions when this happens that there is a really easy solution, but it's kind of that you can't see the forest through the trees type of a response where someone will say something like, yeah, I should just do that. And I was.
Kelly Rigg (30:26.061)
Yes.
Ashley Vanerio (30:35.242)
getting really annoyed recently. And this kind of plays on sort of like some of the independence growth that we've had this year with the kids, which is around laundry. And this is something that I would get just like three kids, two adults means that we fill laundry basket daily easily. And so the laundry just never, I mean, and if you miss a day and I everyone has their own process, which is so funny to me.
Kelly Rigg (30:53.485)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Vanerio (31:03.532)
Like some people just do like one day of all laundry or like one load a day or whatever their like process is. And we don't really have a solid plan for laundry. think that's another conversation for another podcast probably, but not ours. And I was like, I have to get these kids involved in this because I'm constantly being, okay, five minutes, change the laundry over. I'll come right back.
Kelly Rigg (31:15.693)
Mm.
Ashley Vanerio (31:30.624)
And so I just ask them when you hear the dryer buzz, that is your signal to go fold the laundry. I don't care if it's your laundry. I don't care if it's mine, whoever's it is, fold it. And they do a horrible job, but we're getting there. So they're really good at towels. Other things, not so much, but...
Kelly Rigg (31:38.775)
Yep. Nope.
Kelly Rigg (31:48.588)
Yes.
Ashley Vanerio (31:56.33)
If we don't let them learn, right? How are they ever going to learn? then I don't come down to as wrinkled laundry as I would if I had just left them in there. And so, and then it's okay. And then once you folded it and you put it upstairs, then go take that wash and put it in the dryer and then start it. And so I think like, and again, my kids are a little bit older. So as they have gotten to this point.
Kelly Rigg (31:58.477)
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Rigg (32:03.702)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (32:15.787)
Yeah. Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (32:26.286)
they're capable of doing these things. But I think we really get into a rut. don't know if it's all parents or if there's a component of this that's like home ed that we kind of feel like we're always directing things so that we sort of always take over. But I was just like one day I'm like, don't have to do this. Why am I doing this? They can do it. So I'm trying to relinquish a lot of
Kelly Rigg (32:29.474)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (32:39.459)
you
Ashley Vanerio (32:55.502)
these things that hopefully then will not only teach them life skills that they will need for the rest of their time here, but also just lighten the load a little bit for me. Because we do need to have these minutes where we can have a cup of coffee or we can shower or whatever it tends to be. yeah, I think that
Kelly Rigg (33:07.521)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (33:17.176)
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Ashley Vanerio (33:24.628)
the independence has definitely been growing this year here, even for my five-year-old. So we're going to definitely continue to focus on that next year as well.
Kelly Rigg (33:31.683)
Mm.
Kelly Rigg (33:37.923)
Yeah, I think it's interesting, isn't it? Because I mean, there's so many angles you could look at this from. I think definitely, I can say that kind of skimmed over a bunch of stuff at the beginning, but like, there's so much growth that I can see has happened in this family in the past year. think number one has definitely been understanding all of our neurodivergences and traits and starting to really kind of empathize properly and make some shifts and changes in how we deal with that. But I think also, kind of
I don't know, just trying to actually find stuff that really lights me up. And I guess I will complain about having to work like daily because it's hard and it's hard to find the time and it's hard to find the headspace and blah, blah, blah, blah. But I am an extremely passionate person and I care an awful lot about the things that I care about. I don't tend to care about things by halves. Friends that I have, I love.
deeply and would do anything for like, I'm just a deep person. don't do things by halves. And so I love that about myself. And actually I was saying to my husband today, said, honestly, as much as I would love to say, do you know what? I am just going to give up work and we're just going to figure out how we're going to make ends meet. And we're just going to just figure it out. And like, that is just what's going to happen because...
Ashley Vanerio (34:41.026)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (34:59.959)
these kids need my full attention and this is all too hard and there's too many difficult things happening in our life. so I was thinking about like, would I actually feel okay with stopping working? Like in 10 years time, would I genuinely be okay? I yes, okay. Like I would have committed my time to my kids and I'd have seen them grow and it'd be amazing to watch that grow. like I'll have done all the things, the self work, like, I've fostered my friendships, had great hobbies. I'm sure I would have done things that mattered. But actually, will I still feel like...
And it's not just because jobs make us feel like we have a purpose. That's not true in my sense. It's not just that. It's like the intellectual experience. It's the pushing myself. It's understanding what I'm capable of. It's like, I enjoy challenging myself. I enjoy seeing what I can do and I love learning new things. so actually, Home Ed has really helped me to re-engage my curiosity and actually the types of things that I've tried, the courage that I've shown in.
trying different things and training to be a different person, to do different careers. How relaxed and open I am with the concept that my career will change and ebb and flow and I don't know what's coming next. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm in charge and I'm just leading it and I'm just letting it go where it goes. Maybe I'm in charge, maybe the universe is, but we are working on it together. We are in collaboration. I have hopes and interests and dreams and passions and...
Ashley Vanerio (37:27.211)
Mm
Kelly Rigg (37:33.579)
I care about stuff and actually I can see me partnering with some really incredible people. Like I'm talking to all kinds of incredible people right now, like in terms of, I don't know, improving access to education for neurodivergent kids. Like maybe I will be speaking up in like in front of MPs one day. Like, I don't know, but actually I feel like that is kind of my trajectory right now. Like that is where I'm going. It's what I care about. And actually if I just said, you know what, I'm just going to put my feet up and
Ashley Vanerio (37:50.638)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Vanerio (37:58.508)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (38:02.367)
not put my feet up, like be with the kids and a hundred percent give up work and just let all this stuff be a hobby or a sideline or something which isn't actually like progressing exactly. And I can just drop it for six months. It doesn't matter. Like, I actually don't think that I will feel as fulfilled. and I wonder, yeah, I wonder. And I think this is the thing we can sit and be curious about this all the time, but we have such an opportunity when we have chosen a lifestyle for ourselves that is different.
to actually sit there and go, wait, maybe we could do it differently. Like maybe it doesn't have to look like that. Maybe actually I could just do this or maybe I could just kind of come at it from this angle for a while and see what happens. And we get to change how we teach our kids and we get to properly observe how they learn best. And I think what's really wonderful about the growth I've seen in them and the growth I've seen in me is just this, I don't know, this compassion.
Ashley Vanerio (38:32.323)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (38:58.017)
and empathy and understanding for other people and their struggles. I've seen them say that like they've had to struggle with a kid at forest school and have said, you know what, actually I like, I think they're really having a hard time. And it literally made me cry just listening to my son actually take a moment that actually meant that he was quite upset about something, but he had the compassion to recognize as a seven year old child that a child he is playing with.
did that because they're actually having a hard time themselves. And I was like, why did you say that? And he goes, well, I think actually maybe he finds it all a bit much. Like sometimes I think when we're playing, he isn't sure how to tell me that he doesn't like what I'm doing. And so he just, he just like lashes out. And I think that maybe actually in those moments he's, he's having a hard time. And I was like, Ooh, how do we think we could respond to that then? Like, and we had this incredible conversation. He had some great ideas.
And I was just like, shell-shocked. I was just like, my goodness, like you have just got such a capacity to understand other people already. And he isn't just like parroting off my coaching notes either. Like he's actually like, he was understanding what he was saying. Like he had thoughts and ideas around it and he, yeah, I don't know. I just think I find myself thinking sometimes that where our kids are able to have so much more influence and responsibility over their education.
Ashley Vanerio (40:07.477)
Yeah, all right.
Kelly Rigg (40:25.915)
their relationships and all kinds of things, that it becomes such a great teacher to us to go deeper and to understand and to have compassion for them and to find more mutual respect and to work more collaboratively and to understand more how you can actually alter your parenting style and maybe some of the trauma and experience you had as a child and the way that's obviously reflecting in your parenting, like it challenges you.
Ashley Vanerio (40:42.702)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (40:54.551)
And I have to say that this, yeah, it's been, it's been a weird year, but it's been, there have been changes, like there really have. And I think I'm really feeling quite grateful that we even decided to have this conversation now, because it's helped me to really realize how much has shifted. And I think all of us will actually, if we really take the time to think about it, that we will see the growth. And we always say that you grow through the tough times, don't you really? Like that's, that's the stuff that actually helps you to grow. And without.
Ashley Vanerio (40:55.224)
you
Ashley Vanerio (41:05.671)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (41:19.351)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (41:22.828)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (41:23.341)
hardship, we don't have any reason to grow, like actually we can stagnate. And so maybe we should be a little more grateful for it sometimes, I guess. Maybe sometimes, I mean, a little less hard would be great. Absolutely.
Ashley Vanerio (41:33.806)
I know, silver lining. Yeah, I feel like I've been saying that all year. There's like all these things that have come up across the year. I mean, you obviously know and have gone through some yourself, but every time there's something like, well, silver lining is, and then whatever it is, it's just trying to see the positive. So yeah, I mean, that's all we can do.
Kelly Rigg (41:50.664)
Mm. Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (41:56.259)
Yeah, that's the thing like you do. We have these moments all the time. I mean, I literally took the dog out for a walk by myself through the night because I'd had a bit of a tantrum the night before where I got up to take the dog for a quick walk thinking that my husband got in from work and I literally got up and went to shove my shoes on and I was like, right, I'll take Bailey out and he's like, come on then kids, get your shoes on. was like, no, no, no. I was going by myself, but I didn't say it. And I just went, OK, and just like waited and waited and waited and then got really angry and then had a bit of a strop.
Ashley Vanerio (42:16.309)
No, no.
Kelly Rigg (42:25.763)
And he was like, what's matter? I was like, I was going to go by myself. He's like, why didn't you just say that then? I was like, I don't know, because it seemed like he wanted to go for a walk. I was just trying to be nice. He was like, OK, but now you're in a really bad mood. So anyways, the next night he got in for work, same sort of thing happened. was like, right, I'm going to take Bailey out. And he goes, by yourself? I went, yes, by myself, please. Thank you, bye. And I had had a bit of a rough afternoon. I wasn't the best of me. I was a bit hormonal.
Ashley Vanerio (42:35.086)
Thank
Kelly Rigg (42:53.439)
And I needed to get some, I just needed to stretch my legs. And it just so happened that me getting out by myself, but I actually had time to chat to a neighbor who turns out that she keeps a Harris Hawk. And my son is massively into birds of prey. And just, yeah, just to happen to have a minute. Like normally I don't get a chance to chat to people cause my tiny one shouts at me if I talk to people. And it's quite stressful. And so I actually had this amazing conversation with her and was like,
Ashley Vanerio (43:06.83)
What?
Kelly Rigg (43:22.807)
This sounds ridiculous. Could we come see it at some point? The kids would absolutely love to come see it. She was like, yeah, of course. She goes, she's off at the minute. She's gone off on a bit of a fly around for a few days. We haven't seen her for a couple of days, but she'll be back. I'll let you know when she's back and you can come say hi. I was like, God, what an amazing opportunity. So you get these things, these little windows, if you carve them out for ourselves, we create opportunity. We create headspace. We create the chance to move things forward.
Ashley Vanerio (43:29.166)
see it.
Ashley Vanerio (43:47.907)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (43:49.367)
like stuff that maybe wouldn't have happened if I hadn't have gone out of that specific window of time. Like I might never have known that. that we have to think that through the difficult bits that maybe lead to a good bit that maybe leads to something else. And I think that's what I truly believe is that life does. It is constantly opening and maybe closing doors as well. And we are just supposed to just pick one and go and just give the next one a try and see what happens next. And I love that.
Ashley Vanerio (43:54.381)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (44:16.237)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (44:18.091)
I really do credit home ed with an awful lot of that sort of fun tangent ability that it brings me from the topics that we learn to the people that we talk to, to the places that we end up, to the routines and weird, weeks that we have in random places and stuff going all over the place. Like if we weren't home edding, then so much of the richness of this year wouldn't have existed. Like it just.
Ashley Vanerio (44:27.054)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (44:34.606)
Thank
Kelly Rigg (44:44.119)
we would have just been in the same routine day in, day out, doing the same things and actually, I mean, that would bore me to tears anyway, but I think I am very grateful, even though it's hard sometimes for all of that.
Ashley Vanerio (44:56.642)
Yeah, yeah, I love being involved in their education and just their day to day life. I find that I really appreciate getting to know them. And I think that when I look back, it's just a small window of time, really. My oldest is 10, which means that she's already closer to 18 than she is to when she was born. And yeah.
Kelly Rigg (45:18.595)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (45:24.619)
scary
Ashley Vanerio (45:26.638)
like eight summers left. You know, so yeah, so I mean, I think that it's just one of those things where I don't think I will ever regret the time that I have with them. can't see that being something I would regret. so I'm just really trying to always keep that in the back of my mind when things are challenging or
Kelly Rigg (45:39.811)
know.
Kelly Rigg (45:50.083)
Mm.
Ashley Vanerio (45:52.942)
as we're entering a new phase of life and their growth and development, just making sure that I stay really appreciative of that and getting to be a part of that instead of just more on the side observing, which not that that would necessarily be the case if they went to a traditional school, but I definitely think it's.
of value that I am really enjoying. And I hope they will too, when they look back and just say, I mean, I think my kids don't really understand when other parents go to work and that the kid goes to like a child minder. As in every, yeah.
Kelly Rigg (46:35.671)
Mmm.
I think my smallest would implode. think honestly just the thought of that then I was like she would not cope with that like that would be like sorry what you're gonna leave me 30 hours a week like are you insane? doesn't let me go for 30 minutes.
Ashley Vanerio (46:45.18)
What?
Ashley Vanerio (46:50.538)
Yeah, yeah, so I think I just, there, and obviously we're very fortunate to be able to do this and I really appreciate that. And I try to keep that in mind when I know, when I feel the frustration of the, being the primary parent. I'm like, okay, but I'm getting all this goodness too.
Kelly Rigg (47:01.877)
Yeah.
Ashley Vanerio (47:16.472)
So yeah, it is definitely something I'm appreciating. And yeah, as things change, I keep that in mind.
Kelly Rigg (47:16.611)
Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (47:25.795)
It's wonderful, isn't it? I think there is so much to be positive about and to be grateful for. And I think this is the thing, this time of year, I always find it's important to do some reflecting and not so much in a like setting new year's resolutions and all that nonsense, but just there is something nice, I find, about wrapping up a year and starting to think to yourself, okay, do know what, actually this has been great for this reason or like this whatever. And I think that's lovely. And I think...
practices go and I know it's hilarious that we're doing this in like late November mid-Mid-November and I'm talking about it like the years over already because it basically is guys just for the record and two weeks time it's December is off like yeah like my goodness I definitely hibernate these days I literally like I don't I don't work from like mid-December to like mid-Jan it's hilarious I literally take a month off I can't do it yeah
Ashley Vanerio (48:05.512)
Yes. You wait with bated breath.
Ashley Vanerio (48:17.632)
It's too dark and cold here. Yeah, I had no idea about the darkness when I came here.
Kelly Rigg (48:24.771)
I was going to say they conned you from leaving the beautiful Lake Como to come over to our lovely country. But anyway, so yeah, so we'll leave you guys with that one for now. As I say, next week, we're going to talk about the stuff that's actually really inspired us this year. So the stuff that's really made the kids happy that we've like just seen us like really made us have a brilliant time, like places we went, books we've read, things we've done. So we've had some requests basically from our followers, the people who listen to us all the time.
And we asked them kind of like what would they love to hear from us and they were saying they'd love to hear a bit about kind of some of our recommendations and things that we've really enjoyed. So we thought as a kind of a final kind of gratitude episode before Christmas that we will give you some insight into our hopefully interesting lives. Interesting enough, same as everybody else's. Absolutely, so yeah, so we'll come and do that with you guys next week. In the meantime, do always remember that
Ashley Vanerio (49:13.148)
Year in review. Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (49:21.907)
I am a coach, consultant, mentor, whatever you kind of need. If you're in the process of transitioning to home education, please do reach out. Let me know if you could do with some support with that in whatever capacity that looks like. And obviously myself and Ashley are both on Instagram. We're both on TikTok. So do reach out, come and come and say hello to us. If you, if you just want to chat and just say hi, or just tell us what you like about the podcast, if there's something you want to change. And obviously click the subscribe button, make sure you don't miss.
any future episodes. But we'll be back next week and then we will be taking a break until probably February, I imagine. We're going to try and do two to three seasons a year. So we'll be back in the new year. yeah, come in and come and listen for the final one next week. And then we wish you a lovely Christmas season. hope that you are already starting to get a slight hint of festivity. I am. I'm starting to get a little hint now. Just a little bit of mince pie or two.
Ashley Vanerio (50:17.238)
Yeah, you can't avoid it now, it's everywhere. Yeah.
Kelly Rigg (50:20.003)
I've a couple of Baileys. We're getting in the spirit. Alright guys, so we'll speak to you guys soon. Take care, bye!
Ashley Vanerio (50:24.968)
I love it.
Bye.
