This is not going to be like the other articles you have read. I am not about to tell you how to make sure your kids are socialised, keep up with their maths, or how to achieve top exam results, ensure your kids get married and live in eternal happiness. We aren't talking myths or how to guarantee outcomes here. We are talking the reality of home education in the early stages—especially if you are freaking out, or your children are struggling with home education (home schooling for my US friends) challenges.

When I first chose home education, I came under fire with criticisms. I felt absolutely afraid I was going to fail my kids, and I was damn sure I was going to keep up with the national curriculum. They were going to be as academic as every other kid in a school around the UK. I didn't know if my mental health would hold up, if I would get sick of the relentless parenting, or if I would struggle to work. How far I have come!

So let's address the things that I am pretty darn sure are swimming around your head right now...

1. Will I get any time to myself as a home ed parent?!

Now, I can't speak for every single situation, but I want to stress that the answer is typically YES. You will, if you create it. You are going to have to master the art of giving yourself permission. You were schooled, therefore you have lived a life with someone telling you when it was time to rest, play, eat, drink, and move. You aren't used to living a life with more freedom, and your needs need to be met. Start with the basics—survival—eat, drink, rest, and pee when needed, and expand gently from there, setting boundaries and asking your kids (and any adults you might need to communicate this to as well) to respect that you are human and have needs too.

2. Will I be able to cope as a home educating parent?

Whether you are transitioning from toddler to reception year and fearing the continued meltdowns (they do grow out of these I promise), giving up nursery hours, or pulling them from school—there are a number of reasons why you might be fearing 'coping' with the 'full-on-ness' of parenthood when it doesn't include a school day breathing space.

Spoiler alert - most of it is based on the limiting belief that you need them away from you to do the things that matter to you.

I experienced postnatal depression after both my babies were born. I have been diagnosed since with ADHD and I believe I am autistic too, so I was borderline freaking out at my decision to keep them home. I was reminded constantly by 'well-intentioned' family that I had had my struggles. This advice comes from their own insecurities and limitations. Sadly, this ear-worming made it hard to believe in myself, and I had to work hard internally to have faith that I could take care of me and my kids. WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.

Essentially, our experience is our own, but if we can learn some self-compassion, understand our limits, set boundaries, and take some of the 'pressure' off by learning about our limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in endless people-pleasing loops, we will see ourselves growing into this new role with our head held high. 

That sounds like a lot, and it kinda is. Get as much support with it as you can afford, whether through home schooling community support or professional coaching guidance. (Like me!)

3. What will I teach my home educated kids?

Simply, there is no right answer to this question. If you consider for a moment that nearly 4 million new books get published every year by individuals around the world, all with varying ideas, perspectives, interests, focuses, stories, and characters, you can understand how unique education needs to be to the individual to find our place in the world, our people, our careers, or directions.

We will need vastly different skillsets if we fancy being a barrister vs a carpenter, if we live in a city vs the countryside, or if we live on the equator vs the Arctic. Our education is as unique to us as our fingerprint, and embracing this, allowing our children to find their way—through their local community, through their interests, with the various inspirations you can place in front of them—is as beautiful as it gets.

Imagine for a second that you quite literally have no control over where their life goes. You are not responsible for their future happiness—just for inspiring, supporting, providing needed resources, and offering guidance along the way, and watching them grow to adulthood and go on and live their life.

Imagine them getting a chance to be responsible and have ownership of this—how empowering!

4. I'm not smart enough / patient enough / organised enough to home educate...

Enoughness is a weird one. Have you ever wondered why you rank yourself so constantly against others? Why we always have a perspective of 'so and so is better at X than me!' Why we find ourselves judging or commenting on others' beliefs, likes, dislikes, etc.?

Oddly enough, it's school that did that to you—and then growing up in a primarily schooled society. Constantly being ranked against the next person and compared.

Getting to the stage where you can allow yourself to exist without needing to be better at something to be valuable. Knowing that even if some days you aren't feeling very patient, some weeks go completely to pot because you didn't get organised, or sometimes (or a lot of times) you might need to look up an answer to your kids' questions or reach out to a brainy friend to say 'seriously, I don't get this math problem...HELP'—it doesn't make you 'less than' or not capable of educating your kids.

The key here is where you notice you have something you're not feeling confident about, you find ways to deal with it—not hugely organised/creative—maybe consider getting a curriculum to follow. Not brilliant on general knowledge? Teach your kids how to Google the answer to their questions, how to search books, show them how you find the answer when you don't know. Curiosity is FUN, even as an adult, you always have the capacity for more knowledge. Feeling like you are going to lose your temper with the constant chaos a lot—set boundaries, create space for you, get help, get outside, get support for your mental health.

5. Will I be able to maintain a career whilst home educating?

This is a tricky one as it definitely can be a challenge, depending on whether you have a partner who can take some of the strain—whether your career could be done from home or allows you to afford some childcare. I can't speak for every situation, but here's what I have found.

If you want your children to respect your career, as a part of your week that matters to you—then you can and should find time for it. You should set boundaries and teach them to entertain themselves so that you can work. You should create a space in your home that is for you to go to work quietly. You should invest in some good noise-cancelling headphones to help you concentrate or equipment/software that makes your job as quick and efficient as possible.

Like any of your endeavours, showing your children that you are passionate about something, that you want to commit to it and be great at it—is amazing role modelling. Whether that's a career or a hobby. Showing them that you respect yourself, you value your potential, you want to have things that feel exciting and interesting in your life, and that you have responsibilities and take them seriously. Don't use this as a stick to beat yourself with.

I understand that for a lot of us, reaching the point of having a career or hobby that we really enjoy feels like a pipe dream, but we can change that!!

To summarise, you are more powerful, capable, and enough than you maybe realise right now. I believe that with the right support almost anyone can home educate their kids, and you just need the right support—often from within. Give yourself some patience, love, and faith—you have time to work it all out.

Love a good book to help you straighten stuff out? Maybe check out this blog on the titles that transformed my mindset these past years. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I am Kelly, a home educating parent of 2, with ADHD. I coach parents on how to transform their OWN journey within home education to embrace their own joy and find a balance that means they can keep their cool, have space, hobbies, boundaries, and banish limiting beliefs that cause them to burn out home educating their kids time and again!

If you would love to work together, you can reach out via my work with me page—or find out more about my story here.