Breaking Free from the School System's Grip: Redefining Our Beliefs and Habits

One of the things I was shocked by when I started home education was that so much of the life I was living day to day had been informed by my school life. I realised as time went on how intentional that is sadly and how important it is so abolish if we want to live a different life - a more vibrant, authentic, calm, engaged and joyful experience. 

Let's explore some of these influences and why they might not suit us, so we can consciously choose what we pass on to our children.

1. Routines and Schedules

From a young age, we're conditioned to follow strict schedules—wake up, go to school, do homework, repeat. As we age, these routines ensure that we are used to the experience of 'employment' and ensure that we don't rock the boat with the need to rest, follow our monthly cycles as women, annual cycles as humans (that desperate urge to hibernate in the winter) and essentially tell us if we can't do routines well, then we are in some way wrong, broken, less than.

While routines can provide structure that can bring comfort or stability, especially where autistic experience is concerned, for some of us they leave little room for spontaneity or rest. In a home education setting, we have the freedom to create flexible schedules that honour our family's unique rhythms and needs. Embracing this flexibility can help us break free from the mindset that productivity is tied to a clock.

What is also superbly important to notice is how, having someone else dictating the schedule our whole lives, can derail us as we start home educating or starting a business, etc. We are so used to someone else telling us when to eat, rest, work, move, that actually we find it really hard to remember to meet our own needs. 

SOMETHING TO NOTICE: Do you allow yourself to rest if there is mess, work, something important to do? When was the last time you allowed yourself to set your own pace for the day?

2. Eating Habits

This was actually how my 'lightbulb moment' arrived that society was lying to me. The Mindset Nutritionist, now good friend of mine, explained to me how society dictates our relationship with food from birth. The pressure to feed on schedules, to wean at a certain age, to restrict snacks and control what types of foods our children eat.

School schedules dictate meal times, often leading to rushed breakfasts and hurried lunches. This significantly disconnects us from our natural hunger cues - leading to us suppressing it and going hungry often, or over-eating. Home Education gives us and our children a unique opportunity to tune into our bodies and allow meals to be more intuitive, we can foster healthier relationships with food and teach our children (and ourselves) to listen to our bodies' needs rather than adhering to arbitrary schedules.

Disordered eating causes health issues, but it also causes mental health issues - body dysmorphia, hate, lack of self esteem and confidence. Tell me a single child that thrives on being told things about how their body should look, when it should be hungry...especially whilst trying to feel safe and secure in an educational setting. A great book for slightly older children and you too is: Molly Forbes, Every Body.

SOMETHING TO NOTICE: When you take your kids out for the day, do you remember to bring yourself lunch? How often do you ignore hunger or thirst, even to the point of dizziness, sickness or lethargy, especially when you are working or wanting to complete a project?

3. Self-Judgment and Comparison

The school system's focus on grades and rankings fosters a culture of comparison and self-judgment. We often carry these habits into adulthood, measuring our worth by external achievements. By shifting our focus to personal growth and self-acceptance, we can model for our children that their value isn't determined by comparisons to others. 

SOMETHING TO NOTICE: Try and focus today on listening to your internal voice, how often does it judge yourself or others, compare, worry about your children's achievement at their age, what they can or can't do? 

4. The Need for Productivity

Schools teach us to associate worth with productivity, making it difficult to rest without guilt. This mindset can lead to burnout and stress. Encouraging ourselves and our children to engage in activities purely for joy, without the pressure to be productive, can cultivate a healthier balance and a love for learning.

SOMETHING TO NOTICE: When did you last pick up something to do just for fun? Not for self growth, to monetize a skill, to fix something - but just to enjoy it? 

5. Fear of Failure

One of the things that really shook me on this journey was recognising how traditional schooling often stigmatizes failure, creating a fear of taking risks. I don't know about you but I hate to make a mistake, I used to feel abject fear at having to tell a client that I had messed something up, or forgotten something. I would go to great lengths to ensure I never did - checking, rechecking work, making endless lists, scheduling things in my diary. I would feel literally sick to my stomach, cry, want to hide....

Yet, failure is a natural part of learning and growth. I try not to say 'they are really good at that', instead I say 'Wow, they must have practiced that lots....' or 'I bet it took ages to stop falling doing that amazing trick...' or 'They must absolutely love doing that to practise it so often!' to remind my kids that success is earned through repetition and joy, often not by simply natural talent. 

By redefining failure as a valuable learning opportunity, we can empower our children to embrace challenges without fear - getting an answer wrong is an opportunity to figure out why their brain went there. 

In home education or homeschooling if you are in the US, you are not tied to the same exams, time-lines or grading - you can choose to monitor and observe your childs learning without grades, without comparison to their peers and ultimately build their self esteem and internal pride of a job well done instead. 

SOMETHING TO NOTICE: What is your physical reaction to say, breaking a plate - what words would you use towards the accident, what would you feel about yourself, what would you feel in your body?

6. Creativity and Play

Schools often prioritize academic subjects over creativity and play, yet these are essential for holistic development. Albert Einstein famously said "Creativity is Intelligence Having Fun", it's creating answers to problems. Encouraging creative pursuits and unstructured playtime can nurture our children's imagination and problem-solving skills - allowing them to naturally make links between maths, language, science and their own physical skills. Imagine knowing how something works because you made it work that way, trying new things and witnessing the outcomes. Another great book on this subject is by Sir Ken Robinson, Out of Our Minds.

SOMETHING TO NOTICE: How often do you feel the urge to solidify your child's understanding of something with written work or more formal learning materials? Think into why this feels important to you, is it for their benefit? Or someone else's? 

Breaking the Cycle

If we don't address these ingrained beliefs, we risk recreating a "school at home" mentality, perpetuating the same limitations we experienced. By consciously choosing to challenge and redefine these beliefs, we create a learning environment that truly empowers our children. Let's embrace the freedom of home education to nurture curiosity, self-awareness, and joy, passing on a legacy of empowerment and authenticity.

Need some help? That's what I am here for! 

I am Kelly, a home educating parent of 2, with ADHD. I coach parents on how to transform their OWN journey within home education to embrace their own joy and find a balance that means they can keep their cool, have space, hobbies, boundaries, and banish limiting beliefs that cause them to burn out home educating their kids time and again!

If you would love to work together, you can reach out via my work with me page—or find out more about my story here.

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