This is a bit of a strange analogy but I have stumbled across it this week when trying to explain to a friend why school isn't always the best option for our kids. 

If you buy a pair of jeans and you try them on and they are cut really low, far too tight on your thighs and too long on the leg....you don't get our your scissors and start reshaping them and you probably shouldn't force yourself to find a way to wear them either - even if they look amazing on the hanger, they aren't a good fit.

Sure, if they were just a bit long you could fold them up, but when they are this bad a fit, why would you fight to keep them?

The truth is that this analogy for when school isn't a good fit for our kids, and the years of effort we may put in to fighting for accommodations, adaptations, resources, ways of teaching, 1:1 support, a better school lunch meal, label-less uniforms, less exams, more functional skills or experiential learning - whatever - why do we not stop and think - maybe I could just try a different pair of jeans??

We don't, because we have been told that the NUMBER 1 priority is to get them back into school.

That school is the best place for them. That we are doing them a disservice by not forcing them to conform.

That every missed day equals a lower income or less success in the long run. 

I see parents being shamed and spoken down to by schools, local authorities, our government every single day, ones that are scared they are going to let them down choosing to try a different way. Who don't believe in themselves, their own skills or abilities. Who think home education is just a fall back option. 

I cannot stress enough that home education is of equitable legal standpoint to school, it is actually the natural default - with school being an opt in service provided by the government. You can choose to educate your child differently. 

So what do I mean by 'try a different pair of jeans' - I mean consider all your options: home education, private education, online schooling, tutors, flexischooling. Education can be as unique as your child and if we want to see them thrive, we have to consider what a good fit really means for THEM within the limits we have financially, time-wise, our energy and health, etc. 

It could be as simple as you spend some 1:1 time with them every week working with them on the stuff they are stuck on at school, or getting them some therapy to develop healthy coping mechanisms and tools for problem solving. 

It could be that they need all learning to be presented in a very experiential, hands on way and would do better at a college placement or volunteering at a community project.

It could be that they prefer to learn in the afternoons and evenings and need to sleep in a bit later so online classes work better.

It could be that they need absolute quiet to focus, plus snacks and a wobble cushion....or they might need music playing in the background. 

They may need more time to run around, or more downtime reading books.

Ultimately you need to help them to recognise that they can be both productive AND meet their needs to go on to be powerful, capable adults who are healthy mentally. They need to learn to question and investigate, to be curious about what interests them. They need to have room to move and touch and play to learn swiftly and effectively. They don't need more pressure, they don't need forcing into those jeans. 

What they need is a new pair of jeans, and if the school system is such a bad fit that it can't be fixed with a couple tweaks, and they feel constantly uncomfortable, then considering a whole other ethos, is a totally reasonable way to go.

About the Author

I am Kelly, a home educating parent of 2, with ADHD. I coach parents on how to transform their OWN journey within home education to embrace their own joy and find a balance that means they can keep their cool, have space, hobbies, boundaries, and banish limiting beliefs that cause them to burn out home educating their kids time and again!

If you would love to work together, you can reach out via my work with me page—or find out more about my story here.