This blog is coming from the heart today, I am sat here - with my mind telling me everything I am not 'good' enough at right now.

'You need to get more variety into your kids....they are eating too much simple food...'

'You haven't posted on social media enough this week...are you even trying to get more clients?'

'You can't juggle all of these responsibilities, you are exhausted....'

'You can't be successful, you home educate your kids, you're too busy....'

'You must stop saying the f* word...'

'You haven't eaten enough today...'

'You have eaten too much white bread today...'

The thing is, being a coach and mentor doesn't make me exempt from the expectations and judgements that is living in our patriarchal society. It doesn't automatically make it so my autistic children can eat textures they don't like, it doesn't stop the washing mounding up or the kitchen getting a mess. it doesn't take away my own ADHD and autistic sensory struggles and brain fog. 

What it does, however, is give me the tools to do something about these thoughts, to notice how I am feeling and do a few really simple things, even if they don't always fully lift the problem away - they can help me to get some perspective:

1. Notice, listen, observe: how am I feeling in my body right now, what is going on in my environment that is affecting my mood, have I taken good enough care of me today or have I been abandoning survival needs, what are the thoughts?

2. Question: Are these thoughts actually mine? Is there any need I can easily meet for myself right now? Can I simply do a few deep breaths? Can I go look out the window? Do I need to go outside for some fresh air? Do I need a rest?

3. Take action: Do something - meet the needs, have a cry, talk to a friend, journal, listen to some music, say some affirmations.

If I didn't have these tools, they would rule my life. They used to.

My anxiety was through the roof, I couldn't leave the house with my toddler because I didn't know if I could keep my cool out in the stresses of public day to day life. I wouldn't go to busy places, ever. I lost my temper.....a lot. 

Because I was abandoning myself, OFTEN.

I was beyond exhausted, undernourished, always trying to better myself instead of showing any compassion and pride in who I actually am. I didn't trust myself to make decisions for myself, I didn't trust other people. I was lonely, frustrated, disillusioned and honestly - scared. 

I didn't know if I could continue like I was, and some days or even weeks, the shadow of that monster creeps back in - when I am overstimulated, not well, very tired, overcoming a difficult challenge....it starts to fill my head with this nonsense again, other peoples opinions and expectations.

So I breathe and I take myself back to basics and I try and thank the thoughts, and call them out for what they are - my brain trying to indicate that something doesn't feel good, it is just trying to survive and it wants me to fix how my body is feeling. So I do, and I remind myself that it is normal that not all days are beautiful, idyllic, perfect and well rounded. That we have any at all is a miracle because truly life doesn't really work that way, but that I am capable of finding beauty in the hard, not despite it. Because without it, we wouldn't know what easy felt like, what good felt like, what happy felt like. 

We can do hard things, we are enough, even when we are a mess, even when our kids eat the same foods every day, even when our floors need hoovering, even when we haven't met the goals we set ourselves. We are simply an animal, surviving on this planet with endless complicated rules. If we let those rules dictate how enough we are, we are fighting a losing battle. We ARE enough. 

About the Author

I am Kelly, a home educating parent of 2, with ADHD. I coach parents on how to transform their OWN journey within home education to embrace their own joy and find a balance that means they can keep their cool, have space, hobbies, boundaries, and banish limiting beliefs that cause them to burn out home educating their kids time and again!

If you would love to work together, you can reach out via my work with me page—or find out more about my story here.